What I enjoy and equality despise about both version of the film is the relational dynamic between the two characters as they court each other. It's all too familiar. Girl meets boy. Girl says she doesn't want to know the boy. Boy swims in the shallow end of the pool of not getting what he wants. Girl changes her mind. Boy swims into the deep end and gets lost in the girl. All the while the girl is seeking to manipulate boy and trap him into a lifelong commitment where the boy regrets who he becomes because of his loyalty to the girl.
Something is wrong here. Why are men and boys acculturated to view girls and women as objects that solve their self-esteem problems? Why are women for men things which have something to do with men's self-esteem? I'd argue that the role women play in courtship has changed and they are clearly aware of it, while men, in general, are behind the curve. Especially, boys like Owen, who are ill equipped to navigate and regulate their social environment.
Owen, trapped in his neurosis and ineptitude, has no way to critically deceiver Abby's agenda. Lost in his loneliness, he views Abby as a path out of his failure to connect with other children at school. If he can connect with Abby maybe in some way he can connect with himself. Part of this is due to the lack of social capital that Owen may have had if his father was a more relevant figure in his life, and the social class he was shifted into via his parents’ divorce.
Freud argued that the superego is on the side of the father. Through most of human history this may have been the case. The father played the role of the law creator and enforcer. Acculturating a child's moral development to conform to the status quo. The goal for the child, all things being equal, was that the now adult child could enter into the world as an adult as a functional member of the social machine. The mother instilled a sense of nurture, and the father instills a sense of nature. The world has changed, and the broken family plays by different rules that disorient children.
In the film, Owen's father wholly exists as a disembodied voice over the phone whom has lost his authority to be a father. The separated family distances and strains the relationships and network in which Owen needs to develop a sense of self which is compatible in the market place. Living in a power vacuum, Owen learns clings to the strongest force in his universe; the bullies who identify him as a girl. Owen is navigating a contradiction, He feels the shame, and is angry at his loss of dignity, yet because he lacks a self-concept which could help him have the power to name his oppression. He becomes a victim to himself and others. He girls himself to himself.
Abby is rooted in a different familial dynamic than Owen. She is a 300 year old vampire whom has secluded herself from mainstream society in order to remain hidden. She lives with an older man who society perceives to be her father, whom at the same time is alluded to as her past romantic relationship. The view is given the idea that (at least in the remake) that the father she live is the role that she is training Owen to fulfill. I say training because both Owen and The Father have a parallel and also reversed the path of development through the film. As Owen is encouraged by Abby to become an aggressor, The Father's role as aggressor deteriorates.
The lesson that Let Me In teaches is deeper than just role reversals. That men can be victims of themselves and others, and women can don a cape and be the heroine. At base, what we learn is that while the film is playing true to the normative progress of courtship, beneath the ritual there are more self-centered motivations at play. The romantic rituals play out to disguise to Owen Abby's true motivations. Dressed in roses and kisses the romantic dialect is not a natural good, but a tool for two people to fulfill their self-serving motivations.